I've been spending a lot of time with our grandson lately. He's almost nineteen months old and so bright and energetic as is typical for this age that it takes constant attention and energy to be responsible for him. He is curious about the slightest details and watches for my reaction to his questioning looks and attempts at pushing the boundaries of acceptable actions a thousand times a day. Any period of silence outside of nap time presents a possible intrigue which must be investigated. He has a longer attention span now and can play with everyday items endlessly. Given a few simple things he can make a game for himself that allows him to see how things move or fall over or make noise or roll across the floor. He loves a physical challenge: climbing on things that would be daunting to us if we were faced with something as proportionally huge; trying to open or close things or lift and carry things that are twice his weight; testing the strength of a cardboard box to see what it will bear. It is a great joy to see how he thinks.
It occurred to me the other day how important it is to have someone there watching you when you need reassurance about your next move. It is important for this little person to know he will be ok if he takes that next step or touches something. He needs to be told "no" when his safety is at stake and he needs to know someone is watching to give him a big "yes" when he breaks new ground doing something he's tried to do many times before and is now finally successful, or to congratulate him when he has learned a valuable lesson to avoid danger.
How many youngsters do not have this? How often does a little boy or girl look around for an answer to "should I do this?" or "is it safe?" or a smile for "See, I got it!" and find no one there to see the question in their eyes? What happens in a little one's mind when nobody is watching? He has to make decisions all day long. He must find out on his own what leads to pain or a good feeling. What does learning he is on his own tell him?
If no one is watching when he gets hurt, does it hurt more for lack of reassurance and love?
When he does something that feels good does it need to be kept secret so no one will take it away? How often does he have to get hurt before he realizes no one is noticing and he has to take care of himself? How long does it take until he knows what the risks are? Does he understand the consequences of hurting someone else if no one stops him when he does it? How does he get to a place of tenderness if he doesn't have it shown to him? How does he find joy if no one mirrors it for him?
I am afraid for all the children who have little or no attention given them as they travel through their early days. We all have a little voice inside that tells us right from wrong, but when does
that start? Did we know the difference before someone told us? Does a child have the ability, left unattended, to come up with the right answers? I think they need to be shown and have the rights and wrongs of life taught to them. They need to have someone who loves them and who SEES them. They need to be seen and to know someone is watching so when they are testing limits someone is there with the answers. Maybe that is what makes lonely kids living in a society of violence and fear follow the strong among themselves, and therefore look for the one or ones who can show them how to make "good" choices, i.e. how to survive.
I am grateful to be able to share in the raising of this precious little soul. I even like the word to describe this activity...raising. What a lovely thought. It is truly lifting him up to the light and love in the world. The opportunity to be part of this at this age and the perspective that gives allows me to surrender to the process with joy. When raising my own children I wasn't nearly as aware and awestruck, and certainly didn't have the sense of humor about all the messes and shows of willfulness. I get to see my daughter, his mother, in some of his gestures: his ability to do things so delicately with his tiny fingers, his completely consuming laughter, his beautiful curly hair. The stubborn, I-can-do-this-myself!!!! that show his strong backbone and will to succeed are a reminder of my son at this age. They are both still a joy for me to watch to this very day. Was I as watchful then as I am for this little boy now? There is, I think, a difference when done with the eyes of a grandparent. Neither is better than the other, and I am grateful for both and especially grateful to have the opportunity of both.
I get to be a part of preparing my little grandson for his life!
I get to hold his hand for just this little while and swoon when he looks to me for what I can give. It is a blessing for both of us.
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